Tag Archives: denial

The search for 20/20

looking backHindsight is always 20/20 – or so they say.  But whoever made up that quip … I don’t think they had an addict in the house. Looking back doesn’t really make it any clearer.

Recently, a friend told me that she read this whole blog; so I decided to come back here and read it myself from the start.  I has been a few years and I was wondering what I would think. I tried reading as if I was a stranger to the story, which wasn’t very hard to do. I felt like I was a stranger to the story!

Here are some things I noticed:

  • The child who was in the most trouble (or causing the most heartache) got all the press – with only a few exceptions.
  • Insomnia inspires blogging.
  • Drug addiction sucks – for everyone in the family.
  • I was in some real denial even when I thought I had stopped being in denial.
  • This place and all of you here in blogland helped me preserve some sanity. Thank you.
  • My journey really has been God-centered.
  • The severity of the crisis made it seem (to me, at the time) like all this addiction stuff had been going on for years, when it was only one year from when I discovered the problem to when I chose to move away. (That left me feeling bad; like I gave up too soon – but I let that go quickly too).
  • I have so much to be grateful for.

Another popular saying:  “Don’t look back. You’re not going that way.”  Good advice.  There’s nothing I (we) can do about the past. Eyes straight ahead – forward, march!

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One Mom’s Issues

A funny thing happens when the kids don’t have any immediate troubles… I am forced to face my own.  Dan has been home for nine days and attended nine meetings.  His friends are going with him.  There have been no signs of any substances or substance use in my house.  Cathy is settling in; her emotions are steadier and she’s regaining her focus.  Allen is covering some ground with his therapist, learning to communicate emotions, and taking responsibility for his own health in a more active way.

So now, I have no one to look at but me, my house, my finances.  They are all pretty messy (um…it’s not a pretty mess though).  I don’t really want to do this.  It’s so much easier to ignore my bills because of my children’s crises! 

Also, I have not gone to an al-anon meeting yet.  What’s with that?  What am I avoiding?  After all that’s happened, it seemed like an easy thing.  My denial — an old friend — still tends to kick in.  I recognize her.  That’s why I’ve been avoiding this page.  But here I am.  One Mom Talking.

A random thought:  Do I need to get a flu shot?  For the kids too?