Monthly Archives: July 2011

Ever since Al was in the hospital, I have been a mess.  I haven’t been sleeping well at all.  I’m nervous.  I cry easily.  I pray and pray and still I fret about him.  So I call him.  “Are you okay?”  “Are you going to meetings?”  “Do you understand that if you’re using, you have so much to lose?”  “Remember to pray and go to meetings, I’m worried about you!”

He says, “I know, Mom.”  “I know, Mom.”  “I am, Mom.” 

It’s just today that I realized … It’s not Al’s responsibility to calm me down and help me sleep and make me feel better.  And sure, maybe he is using.  And we know he needs to be going to meetings.  But what I just realized today is that I need to be going to meetings!  I need some counseling.  I am my own responsibility – not Al’s! 

So I called him and told him that he’s not reponsible for my feelings.  And he felt glad to hear it.  This is sure a ride, isn’t it folks?  I feel a little better already.  Now to research government-supported counseling programs for me. 

God bless you all!

Just to follow up on my last post – we have confirmation that Al OD’d. I believe it’s because he had not been using for almost five months; so when he did finally use, his body couldn’t handle it.  It was his first payday since he started working.  He got a hefty check (from his perspective), and he had worked 40 hours in three days, so he was overtired and stressed.  There you have the ingredients for a slip.  And yes, right now we’re all calling it a “slip.”  One use after five months does not a relapse make.  It all depends what happens from here.

Thanks for your support everyone!  God bless!