Just a quick post today.
I used to think that if you made the “right decisions” – unselfish decisions, love-honoring decisions – that life would somehow reward you and things would proceed smoothly.
I don’t know that anymore. And that makes deciding harder for me. It seems like God should intervene because I honestly don’t know what comes next.
Thanks for listening … back to our regularly scheduled broadcast. Love & Hugs!
~One Mom Talking
In response to the recent death of Philip Seymour Hoffman, there’s been debate over whether addiction is selfish or, perhaps, guiltless. Today I came across a poem I wrote years ago with that title, “Guiltless.” I thought I’d post it. I’m not sure if it’s relevant, but I’ll share and let you decide.
On that night when my heart hurts —
when I can’t think of anything to say,
the world moves forward outside my window
where the mesa stands strong and the people look
content and carefree in my thoughtless and empty sight…
On that night the stars still shine
and the moon still sets its glow over the city
while I worry about the words I said to you.
I wish I was the leaf.
I wish I was the river.
I wish was a field of purple aster
or a dangling bat wrapped safe in the cape
of my own wings.
The fox and the cat wander the same midnight road.
They pounce. They screech.
One eats, lies down and sleeps
full and deep.
Photo credit webergallery.com “Horse Whisperer”
I wrote and posted, “The Emotion Whisperer,” on my other blog yesterday (Growing Your Beautiful Life). It is an important message for all of us who have children with addictions. During my first year or so of being a POA (Parent of Addict), my emotions clearly controlled me. In my own recovery, I have learned that, while my emotions are a part of me, they do not lead me and they do not define me.
On the advice of a new friend, I am expanding my life coach work to include a specialization for coaching parents of addicts. My life would be blessed if I can help you become “The Emotion Whisperer” in your own life – to forge a new path for yourselves and your families – to take the reigns, set boundaries and create a new road toward peaceful living again.
Please follow this link to read, “The Emotion Whisperer.” If you’d like more information on my coaching work, click the “Contact Me” tab, above, and you can send me a private note. Your communication comes my “onemomtalking” personal email address and will remain strictly confidential.
Much love and God’s peace to you all.
I need advice: A facebook “friend” (who is more of an acquaintance) recently posted “What happened to all my spoons?” My first response was to private message her to suggest that there might be an addict in her midst. But I don’t know her very well. My second thought was to casually ask, “Have your spoons always gone missing, or is this new misbehavior on their part?” And then, depending on the answer, I would decide about initiating a private conversation.
So my question is: Should I enter this further or should I mind my own business?
I think this is the most dangerous word. It traps me in the past and keeps me from moving forward with action. It expresses my natural desire to make sense of life, but it’s insistence on an answer leaves me feeling inadequate and, often, sad.
Recently, I’ve met some people who have lost family members due to addiction. They ask this question and I don’t have an answer. I only have guesses. And I can’t even say “I know how you feel” because as close as I’ve come (very close) to this, I haven’t lived it. I only have guesses. And sometimes guesses just aren’t enough.
“Why” is a trap … a temptation … perhaps even a hiding place. It hangs out with Anger and Blame way too often and doesn’t play fair. “Why” is an Alpha Male with an ego that doesn’t take “no” for an answer.
Better questions to ask are: “What” (do I do now); “How” (will I move forward); “Who” (will I ask for support); “When” (will I take steps to help myself heal). But there I go again, talking, like I know what I’m talking about. It’s my theory. My guess. I wish I had a wand to wave and make it all better. But all I have are guesses.
God bless you all; and know you’re in my prayers every day.
Today I saw a commercial for a t.v. movie about a girl who searches for her addict sister on the streets of some city. It brought me right back to those days, now years ago, when I drove the streets of my city and neighborhood always wondering when and if I’d ever see my son again.
I’m far from those days now. But that commercial stirred my heart and got me thinking about you parents out there who are just starting this walk. Maybe you are wondering if your child is using drugs. Maybe you know it but can’t quite face it yet, or maybe you can’t help but face it because your child is gone … along with your money, your peace and the dreams you had for your family.
I’m here to tell you I’ve been in that tunnel where all you can see is darkness for miles. And I’m here to tell you that there is another side to the tunnel where there is light again. Things on that other side don’t look the same as they did when you entered. You will grieve many losses. But you will have the light of blessings again – if you allow yourself to experience them…if you seek connection with others…and if you enter your own recovery.
Yes, you will need to recover from addiction even though you’re not the one taking the drugs. So I encourage you – enter your recovery. Let people help you. As a first step, join us here on the blogs. We’ve been there – we still are walking it. Just a note to let you know. God bless.
One reason it is helpful to see a counselor or work with a coach or pair up with an accountability partner at church is that we often get locked into one way of seeing things and we don’t even realize there are other choices. One example is how we often see limitations where they don’t exist – because we look at life with a limited, earthly perspective rather than an eternal, spiritual perspective.
We always have the choice to see things differently, and often that frees us up to take action in a situation where we feel stuck, or to extend forgiveness where we might have been holding onto anger. But it’s easier to maintain our faith and our perspective if we have other people in our lives to help.
No need to walk alone or live in frustration. God’s view offers renewal and hope. It’s all about perspective.