This is the name I’m using (in addition to “One Mom Talking”) for my efforts to provide support to parents of addicts: “Parents of Addicts United.” If you’re interested in having some other ways to communicate with each other besides through our blog posts, I have one new option:
“Parents of Addicts United” discussion group on IntheRooms.com. You probably have to sign up on the website to view the group – I’m not sure. But it’s a good and safe place to meet for conversation.
I’d like to form a secret facebook group as well, but that will have to wait until the weekend. (Plus, I need a few people to invite first. So if you’re interested, send me a note with your full name so I can invite you!). Secret groups on facebook are great because no one can see the list of members except a member; and the only way to become a member is to be invited. I know that makes it a little hard for outreach, but it preserves anonymity, which is important.
That’s all for my report of the day. Be well, my friends. Do something for yourself this week, just for fun. Remember fun? It’s still out there just waiting for us to open up to it a bit. Choose life. Your life. Because you’re still here and you can add blessings and joy to the world.
I live in a small coastal town near a small city in South Carolina. We are bound by the ocean to the east and rural areas to the west and south. There is one NarAnon group in the city and no others anywhere within reach – not for us and not for the smaller towns and cities in surrounding counties.
I work in a women’s recovery house and sometimes the parents call – especially the moms. Due to HIPAA, our privacy regulations are extensive and I usually cannot tell the parents any details about how their daughter is doing. I talked to one mom who was sobbing on the other end of the phone, “What do I do? Will it ever be better?” I was heartbroken.
I want to create a resource for parents but I don’t know how that looks yet. In the meantime, I’ve discovered a website called “In the Rooms.” I just joined and it looks great. You can attend a video NarAnon meeting, participate in meditation sessions, chat with other people and even get a sponsor. If you have never checked it out, I recommend that you do. And if you’re there, look for me, “One Mom Talking.”
Lastly, if you have suggestions about how to build a program or network for parents, especially in rural areas, please share!
I wrestled with whether to title this “If Knowledge is Power…” or “Ignorance is Bliss”! When it comes to addiction, those of us who have faced the music in one way or another know that ignorance cannot be our choice. Detachment, yes. Ignorance, no. And if I’m not going to be ignorant, then I want to know what’s happening out there – and friends, it’s not simple, it’s not easy, but it is a war where we need to know the names and faces of our enemies.
I was contacted recently by the Foundations Recovery Network, a residential and outpatient treatment center located in Tennessee. They are encouraging education regarding the risks associated with the abuse of benzodiazepines. Since I have no experience regarding this category of drugs (known on the street as “Benzos,” “Downers,” or “Tranks”), I did a little extra research and found some confirming information put out by the Drug Enforcement Administration (DEA). You can read that here: DEA on Benzodiazipines.
What I’m thinking is – let’s opt for knowledge and take all the power we can. Click on this image to see the full infographic:
If this is an area of concern for you or a loved one, I hope this information is helpful. And if you have anything to add, please leave a comment. We learn best when we share information and learn together. Thanks, and God bless!
Posted in Addict Child, Addiction, Parent of addict, Recovery, Resources, Support Community
Tagged Benzodiazepine, Benzos, Downers, drug risks, dual diagnosis, Foundations Recover Network, Tranks
After attending numerous educational sessions at various rehab facilities in my PoA role, and now attending training for Substance Abuse Specialist certification, I’m convinced we need to get more information out to the average Joe about the difference between “use,” “abuse,” and “addiction.”
No, they are not the same thing. While it is true that one can lead to another (of course you have to use a drug to abuse a drug or to become chemically dependent), each term has a succinct meaning and the difference does matter when it comes to defining and addressing “recovery” needs.
No point in being too creative about this; here are some straightforward definitions of these words as they relate to substance/drug activities. (These are my words, but you can find more information at www.drugfree.org or in the American Psychiatric Assoc.’s DSM V or other similar sites):
- Drug/Alcohol Use: Simply using a drug (or alcohol). Some people do this for medical reasons, some for entertainment. They can take it or leave it. Their bodies don’t require it and they are able to deal with their emotions and relationships with or without it, and using drugs is not a regular part of their lifestyle over long periods of time. Medically, they stop when they are better or have healed. As far as entertainment goes, I’m not saying that drug use for entertainment is right (I personally am against this) – I’m just saying that some people use drugs sometimes and that’s the definition for this word in our context. (Then again, once in awhile I have drink of some type of alcohol – wine or beer or Pina Colada – at end of my day or at a celebration with friends. This would be a type of use that is commonly accepted in our society – and not considered abuse or addiction.)
- Drug Abuse: The abuser uses drugs as a crutch but is not physiologically/chemically dependent. They might abuse it by using the drug (or alcohol) any time they feel sad or angry or hurt in some way. They might use it out of loneliness or to self-medicate due to undiagnosed depression or anxiety. The danger is that they do not learn how to deal with their emotions or their conditions in a healthy way. Therefore, their psychological/emotional growth can become stunted and their relationships will likely be unhealthy – lives unfulfilled (and they could end up in jail as well). Abuse differs from use because of this aspect of avoidance or substitution for healthy coping mechanisms.
- Drug Addiction (aka “Chemical Dependence”): Addiction or dependence indicates that there has been an altering of the brain chemistry in the user which creates not only an emotional desire for the drug but a physiological need. Very simply put (I’m not a clinician or doctor), when a drug floods the brain with “feel good” chemicals, the brain responds by shutting off its natural release of these chemicals and, in fact, releases some other chemical to shut down the flood and even things out. This process produces the feeling of extreme high followed by an extreme low and then a craving because now the brain is not naturally switching back to normal – so more drugs are used and the actual dependence grows. This alteration in brain chemistry differentiates addiction from abuse or basic use. Addiction fits the definition of a disease – a dynamic which deserves its own separate post. Follow this link for a straightforward, readable discussion on the disease model of addiction.
Just to be clear, again, these definitions are in my own words. My attempt is to differentiate these concepts in a way that everyone can understand. If I have anything incorrect, please do send me a comment or private note so that I can edit or do further research into this.
Thanks and God bless!
In my church – and in many churches – we teach the idea that the way to conquer an evil is to remove it from the darkness and shine the light of Christ in its eyes.
I am saddened by the continued reports saying: “There’s a heroin epidemic in [you name the city, state or metro area].” And yet, I am encouraged that more and more people are sharing this news out loud. We are pulling the curtain aside and shedding light on the evil of heroin and drug addiction.
In my coaching business, I teach about the importance of facing our fears, naming them, and taking back the control that our self-imposed silence had given those fears. We are doing this now. We are speaking up.
I’m feeling prompted to take this further. Every once in awhile I get this intense feeling of wanting to speak out, but I’ve held back – in part because I just wasn’t ready emotionally – in part because I have concern about protecting the privacy of my children. But here I am again, wanting to actively help.
If you were to speak out about your experience as the parent of an addict. Where would you start?
I’m sharing this blog post from Don at “The Life Project” because I think you will connect with it. Don talks about our call love and be hospitable to others – yet addresses the need to protect ourselves as well. Sometimes, we have to open our doors and sometimes it’s okay to close them. I think we all know this struggle. Take a look by clicking on this link: Continue in Love.
Wishing you all a very blessed Easter.
I know it doesn’t feel blessed to many of you. Five years ago today, at this time (7:15AM), I was in a police station learning that my boys had been using heroin at a party. It’s amazing to me that Easter is the anniversary of this journey for me. No wonder I’ve been tense these past few days.
But now – I’m off to church. Know you are all in my prayers. Know that Love Wins – if not in this life, then in the Great Beyond. Easter is our reminder that there’s more to life than what we can see. And that death holds no power over the beautiful spirit of life in all of us. LOVE has already won. Amen.
I once read that the stone which covered the entry to Jesus’ tomb would have weighed 1-2 tons. Let’s be cautious – let’s err on the light side and imagine it was just under one ton. Let’s, for the sake of argument, say it only weighed 1,750 pounds.
One thousand seven hundred and fifty pounds.
The effect of addiction on me, on my children, on my whole family…
on your child, on you, on your whole family…
this is the weight of a stone that we cannot roll away in our own strength.
Come to me,
all you who are weary and burdened,
and I will give you rest. 29
Take my yoke upon you and learn from me,
for I am gentle and humble in heart,
and you will find rest for your souls. 30
For my yoke is easy
and my burden is
I haven’t done any formal research on this, but it seems to me that there is a pattern to creating public policy changes: It starts with telling our stories to whoever will listen. If you are anywhere near my age, you remember when the word “gay” or “homosexual” would rarely be spoken in a whisper. Now we have states passing gay marriage legislation. Why? Because brave people stood up and told their stories.
How about child abuse and sexual assault? I remember the days before the term “date rape” existed…days when people would barely say the word “sex” and any kind of talk about incest or sexual abuse or rape was hushed in families and communities as if speaking it would make it spread like a disease. Now we have laws prohibiting these crimes and, recently, commercials with celebrities speaking out against sex crimes. There’s a long way to go, but we’re making progress.
Same with drug use and abuse and dependencies. We’re learning. How many people have to die of heroin overdose before we all stand up and speak. We are learning. We are starting. And some laws and legal processes are changing – like “drug court” systems surrounding people with services for recovery rather than condemning them immediately to jail.
I’m not lecturing any one person to stand up to speak – because it all depends on where you are in the process whether that’s a role for you or not. I’m just bringing up the issue. People are learning and those of us who are ready and able can speak out.
Here’s the article that brought these thoughts to my mind. Take a look and see what you think. I’d love to hear your views: http://www.drugfree.org/join-together/addiction/lets-get-serious-about-treating-addiction
Blessings and prayers to all of you…
There are so many sayings about the past: “Put the past behind you.” “Don’t look behind you, you’re not going that way.” “Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery.”
The one that rings most true to me right now is a quip that I don’t see often on facebook posts or memes: “The past is never where you think you left it.” (Katherine Ann Porter) I may need to read some of her essays and stories – I think she’s hit the nail on the head.
One of the most frustrating things about this addiction/recovery process – about the road paved by drugs and their users – is that it’s a path not easily erased and left behind. Even when a person has “ceased to be a prisoner of the past” and “continued moving forward one step at a time,” the past can appear without warning, rearing its head and proving that it is harder to dismiss than we want to believe.
Yesterday, one of my boys was arrested. Apparently, he had attempted to sell something to someone a couple of years ago…
I won’t print the details (as little as I know) at this point, but it involves small-town police building a case over years in an attempt to get to the bigger dealers. I get that. I want those people stopped too. But it’s hard to watch this young man who has been working hard to support himself and his family, to stay clean and live right … to walk the right path … have the past come and spin him around, sneering, “Though you could leave me behind did you?”
We say, “Let bygones be bygones.” It’s harder than it seems.
One mom talking. Can’t sleep. Thanks for being here. Much love and God’s peace to you all.
FOLLOW UP NOTE: Yes, all will be well. The system, hopefully, will work in favor of (a) stopping the flow of drugs and (b) supporting my son as he continues to build his life and raise his family. That’s the best possible outcome; that’s what we hope and pray for!