Friends: A few of you suggested Scripture in regard to guarding our hearts. I have read these words and realize there is always a balance — guard our hearts in an earthly manner, but do not be discouraged, since God is at work in all that we see, and we do not know His reasons or His eternal perspective. Here are two verses for you. And at the end, some music to give you strength and hope!
Advice from Proverbs 4:
23 Above all else, guard your heart,
for it is the wellspring of life.
24 Put away perversity from your mouth;
keep corrupt talk far from your lips.
25 Let your eyes look straight ahead,
fix your gaze directly before you.
26 Make level paths for your feet
and take only ways that are firm.
27 Do not swerve to the right or the left;
keep your foot from evil.
And mighty encouragement from 2Chronicles, Chapter 20:
13 As all the men of Judah stood before the Lord with their little ones, wives, and children, 14 the Spirit of the Lord came upon one of the men standing there. His name was Jahaziel son of Zechariah, son of Benaiah, son of Jeiel, son of Mattaniah, a Levite who was a descendant of Asaph.
15 He said, “Listen, all you people of Judah and Jerusalem! Listen, King Jehoshaphat! This is what the Lord says: Do not be afraid! Don’t be discouraged by this mighty army, for the battle is not yours, but God’s. 16 Tomorrow, march out against them. You will find them coming up through the ascent of Ziz at the end of the valley that opens into the wilderness of Jeruel. 17 But you will not even need to fight. Take your positions; then stand still and watch the Lord’s victory. He is with you, O people of Judah and Jerusalem. Do not be afraid or discouraged. Go out against them tomorrow, for the Lord is with you!”
When you are feeling unsure of Victory, play this and sing along!
Dan has been out of rehab for ten days now and seems to be doing well. And yet I am still tense. Today I thought “you can let your guard down now” and the meaning of that phrase hit me strongly. I realize I’m not ready to let my guard down. I want that guard standing watch!
I need steady reminders that God is my Guard and is always standing watch. And yet, I still feel that I need to be vigilant in my household. I wish I could say that I really miss Dan and that I want him to come back to this house. I miss him a little, but if he came over just for dinner once a week, that’s really ok for me right now.
My daughter, Cathy, is 15. She has been on the couch for three days now with an injured hip. (Find story in earlier post “Family Night?”) The pain meds are not helping.
The weird thing is … there is no bruise at all. How could that be??
The other issue: my daughter is 5’6″ and 105 lbs. Most women in my family are tall and thin, so that’s not so strange. But she has awful eating habits. She doesn’t like to sit at the table for dinner. She eats mostly sugar and carbs (bread, noodles, some cereal). She eats dry packets of instant oatmeal. Ew.
Today I went in her purse to get her ipod headphones for her. I found a plastic sandwich bag with stool softeners. They are the over-the-counter type. Generic. I can imagine that she might need them due to the lack of fiber in her diet. But I also worry about eating disorders. This isn’t the best time to deal with it, with the hip issue going on. But I’m not sure what to do next with her. Certainly she’s been under a lot of stress, like alls of us, with the drug issues that went on here over the past year with her brothers.
Just needed to type it out. As I type, I’m seeing a situation that calls for mild intervention. Maybe the school counselor. Maybe teen alanon. Maybe a few sessions with a private counselor if I can get her to go.
One thing I don’t like about this blogging process is that the beginning of the story can get lost. That’s okay for me, myself and I. But part of the purpose of this is to support others who are just starting the walk. I know you could find your way to the beginning of my story if you tried. But I’d like to make it easy.
To that end, here is the link to my very first post here. It feels like such a long, long time ago…
AKA, “UA’s are our friend.”
But waiting for the results, that’s a challenge. My son took his first UA (urine analysis) since being out of rehab. I think it was two days ago. He has given permission for his case worker to give results to his dad. No word yet.
Tick… Tock… Tick… Tock…
My passions were all gathered together like fingers that made a fist. Drive is considered aggression today; I knew it then as purpose.
Bette Davis (1908 – 1989), The Lonely Life, 1962
Someone commented the other day that they were happy to know that my passion was helping women know their worth. I was thinking that, as parents of addicts, it’s easy for that role to take us over and become the central way we define ourselves. YUCK! So I have a question for you all:
WHAT ARE YOUR PASSIONS? Mine are (a) helping women know their worth and guiding them through times of life change and spiritual searching, (b) performing arts — both as audience and performer, (c) words and writing, (d) family and game nights! (In no particular order)
An Assignment: Please respond to this post and list some of your passions. Tell us about what you love to do — and then plan a time when you will do one of those things over the next week. How about that?? And please suggest this post to others. Let’s see how many of us we can get to walk on the plus side! THANKS — you are all terrific, loving, strong parents. And don’t you forget it!
Yes, this turned out to be a family night — but not the playing-games-around-the-table kind.
My daughter took a fall today. She lost her key and couldn’t get in the house after school. So she tried to climb in the bathroom window. Unfortunately, she lost her balance and fell, hip first, into the bathtub. She did not call me, but rather sat in miserable pain until I got home from work, three hours later.
In the end, my daughter, my ex-husband and I spent five hours in the ER. Meanwhile, my 17 y.o. son (Al) has developed anxiety about being home alone. So my oldest (the addict) invited Al over to their dad’s and they kept each other company. This is a good thing!
Cathy does not have a fracture, but rather a hip contusion. The doc said she will be sore for a week to ten days, and should stay home from school tomorrow and Friday, on the couch to rest it.
So that was our family night. And now it’s 12:26AM. Hopefully I will get to sleep soon. Goodnight All (or “Good Morning”)!
I have a 15-year-old daughter. My hope for Cathy is that she will understand her innate value, and not attach to the crazy pressures our culture puts on girls and women these days. When I am not wearing my addict-mom identity, this is my passion — helping women know their natural value as God’s creations! In doing this, perhaps I can set a stage where my daughter can flourish in her life.
To that end, I will sometimes post links to sites that support us ladies as we walk through this often crazy world. “50-Something Women” is one of those blogs: http://50somethingwoman.blogspot.com.
Let’s grow strong together!
Or in this case “NIMFY” (Not in my front yard) or “NOMS” (Not on my street)!
I got home from choir practice tonight to find Dan’s car parked out in front of my house with him and five of his “old” friends sitting in it. I recognized those faces. And the scene seriously triggered panic in my soul. I texted him “I thought you weren’t going to hang out with those people anymore and WHY ARE YOU SITTING IN FRONT OF MY HOUSE?” Anyway, he went back to his dad’s and called me (at my request) to talk about it.
I said, “You might not remember much about the last six months but I remember everything. I love you and I want you to be well. If you are going to break your own rule and associate with those people, do not do it in front of my house please.” He apologized. Said he is fine. My stomach is nauseous and I’m still awake at 11:45PM. So easily disturbed, I am.
(I wish I was the ocean.)
This is me today.