Letting the Guard Down

Dan has been out of rehab for ten days now and seems to be doing well.  And yet I am still tense.  Today I thought “you can let your guard down now” and  the meaning of that phrase hit me strongly.  I realize I’m not ready to let my guard down.  I want that guard standing watch!

I need steady reminders that God is my Guard and is always standing watch.  And yet, I still feel that I need to be vigilant in my household.  I wish I could say that I really miss Dan and that I want him to come back to this house.  I miss him a little, but if he came over just for dinner once a week, that’s really ok for me right now. 

16 responses to “Letting the Guard Down

  1. My thoughts are with you. I want my daughter home from rehab. but on the other hand I am dreading it because then I really can’t let my guard down.

  2. Renee, my thoughts are with you too. And that’s why I couldn’t have Dan back here this time. Especially with two other teens and no other adult in the house — the darn guard (me) would have to be standing watch constantly. Well, this guard needs to get some sleep!

  3. yeah. It’s really easier when they are not with you, right there, to be watched and you be totally suspicious.

    I always slept better when my daughter was NOT in my house.

    Sometimes, life is backwards.

    Oh, and you can NEVER let your guard down. Not even 10 years from now. EVER

    • Wow. Thanks, Dawn. Good to know I’m not just going crazy, keeping my guard up and all. I’ve heard that it’s actually better for the addict-in-recovery to not be at home if possible, because it’s hard to recover your attitude about yourself with a suspicious mama watching over every move you make. I’m glad he’s with his dad. It’s time for the men to deal with each other.

  4. I am reminded of the scripture (paraphrasing here) Guard your heart, out of it is the well spring of life…I believe it says something like that.

    I know this feeling and I’ve set stringent boundary lines between myself and my own loved ones who have addiction in their life. This is a hard place to balance, and I can relate to the feelings you have.

    I am hoping with you.

  5. Glad I am not alone in this. Seems like we all are in the same boat. I have a week or two before she comes home, then I will really be stressed. God Bless you all and thank you for your posts.

  6. All the comments above echo my heart here. When our son was getting ready to get out of rehab, I was scared. I didn’t want him to come home. He had built a new network, a healthy one, where he was, even though it was five hours from home. Coming home would only immerse him back into the cesspool of his old friends, who had not changed one bit! How could that be healthy?

    I prayed my socks off, asking God to not let him come home, but to make a way for him to stay right where he was. God did. He opened the door for him to work on staff at Teen Challenge and attend college up there. Louisiana Tech happened to be less than two miles up the road from the induction center for Teen Challenge, where our son did his internship right before graduating from rehab.

    I was so relieved! Today, three and a half years down the road, our son admits that he might not have stayed sober if he’d come home.

    Visits are much easier now that some time has passed, but when he first used to visit home, right after he got out, I was on pins and needles all the time. It takes time to re-build trust that’s been destroyed, and my husband and I openly communicated that with our son.

    I pray that Dan will have every success in his recovery, and I pray that an arrangement that will be beneficial to each of you can be made.

    Meanwhile, know that you are not crazy. It is totally normal to keep your guard up, and necessary, so as not to fall back into the codependent patterns that we all experience when addiction pokes its nose into our lives.

    Blessings,
    Cheri

    • Thanks, Cheri. Dan visited me last night — came over for dinner actually — and it was so nice. He was clear-headed and talked openly about his experiences and plans. I know it’s still early to trust, but it was nice to have him there.

      • I’m so happy for you that you had a nice time with your son. Live in the moment. Enjoy the blessings God sends your way.

        I love the scripture that was shared and that you posted: The battle is not ours, but the Lord’s!

        God bless,
        Cheri

  7. Reading this remind me of a scripture that helped me immensely… 2 Chronicles chapter 20. I have read it time and time again the past 3 months, and before all this I didn’t even “know” it existed!
    God bless.

  8. I miss my son so much, but am still nervous about him coming home in three weeks. I think its good that Dan has some place else to stay! My guard has been on vacation for six months while he was in jail/rehab – its almost over.

  9. Thanks everyone. This helps more than you know. My daughters fiance lived with us also and was an addict. He is also in rehab and coming home soon. Fortunately, his mother picked up all his things yesterday. What a relief. I can barely watch one, couldnt even imagine watching two of them, one which is not even mine. I told her he cannot be here and fortunately his rehab insisted that he move back with his stepfather. I feel like my daughter may have a chance being home by herself. I will pray for everyone and I know how hard this can be even though I am in the beginning of my journey. I could not have come this far without the blogs and encouraging words of everyone.

  10. The years of pain, worry and stress, it is very difficult to overcome the distrust we have in our addicted kids. I think it is great that he has another place to stay, it is for sure easier when they are not right under your roof, watching for signs, signals, phone calls, etc. None of it does any good, for us or them. I pray that he will stay walking in recovery.

  11. Well, she came home Friday. I am a nervous wreck and can’t let my guard down. She has not been with any old friends, actually spent most of her time with the family. She is talking to some people from rehab (scares the heck out of me) because if she gets the urge they talk about it but I am worried she might be with one of them when they relapse, hence she would relapse. One good thing she texted me at work today and asked if our church has any other masses daily except for the 8 a.m. She has not been to church for 2 years. I will take the good signs and keep my eyes wide open. Thanks again for your website

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