Some of you have been living with this already, I know. Last night Dan’s dad had to let him go to the streets. We discovered he has taken things from our homes to pawn to get drug money. We drew that boundary awhile ago — steal from us and you’re out. So he’s out. I guess I can be thankful the snow is gone and we’re having warm weather. Last time we kicked him out he lived in his car. But now he has no car…and no phone. So he’s out there somewhere. Takin’ it to the streets.
p.s. This Sunday, Easter Day, will be one year since that first phone call from the police — the first time I heard the word “heroin” in connection to my boy. Interesting timing.
Prayers to all. And much love. And God’s blessings in whatever form they need to take to let you know that we are not alone. XOXO
Writing to wish my boy an honest “Happy Birthday.” I am glad he’s alive. And I have not lost hope. Just forget where I put it now and then…
Dan turned 20 yesterday. See how this cake is a little wobbly? It’s an appropriate image for how we all felt yesterday — Dan included. We all planned to go out to dinner — his father, brother, sister and I, plus Dan and his girlfriend. We planned to leave at 7PM. Dan went out at 2:00 with a friend. tick. tick. tick. Seven o’clock and no Dan. 7:15. At 7:20 he comes in the door. No explanation. A mumbled “sorry.” His sister had already given up and gone out with her friends, and his girlfriend wasn’t with him. So four of us went. Awkward.
Don’t get me wrong, I am, in my deepest heart, thankful for another birthday. But seeing the tracks on his arms … it was hard to feel any mood of celebration.
Heppy Birthday, Danny my boy.
I have dear friends, a couple, whose baby was stillborn. To work through her grief, the mom, Rebecca, has started an organization “Knits of Grief” and a blog in support of other families who suffer this terrible type of loss. I want to support her by giving her a little boost here. Just as we, as parents of addicts, help each other along via blogland, so she will do the same. If you know anyone who might need this type of support, please pass this along. Even if you don’t, if you’re touched by the blog, Rebecca’s writing, or this topic, I’d appreciate a little help for her by spreading the word: http://knitsofgrief.blogspot.com/. THANKS!
Had a tough day. A few extra demands on my energy at church, of all places, and I lost it. Happily, my friends came to the rescue, at church and after. Ready to get a good night’s sleep now. Glad to not be going it alone. And in honor of my allies, here’s a little stroll down memory lane:
I really want to have one of those Blogroll thingies with the little pics of everyone on my sidebar like all you Blogspot people have, but I can’t figure out how to get it on here. If anyone can help, send me a message. Please and thank you. (Don’t you love my tech-speak?)
I’m thinking Garbo. Just wanna be alone. Not the first to say it, not the last. I’m in the mood to be a drama queen. “Hey folks, over here! Look at me!” How about a little help over in this direction?
I almost cracked on Friday night. It was like this: My ex-husband called me and asked me to come over to his house to talk about Dan. Dan (my addict boy) has been living full-time with his dad. So i said sure and went over. On the way there, my middle boy, Al, called. His car was stuck on a highway in the snow storm during rush hour. He was 30 miles from the house. Could I come and pick him up? No. Then a few minutes into the chat with the ex, Dan called. He was with a friend driving to pick up the friend’s mom and their car slid on the ice and hit another car. Could I come and pick them up? No. Then my boyfriend texted, “Get dressed honey, I’m on my way and let’s get some italian and a glass of wine! Yay!” Then there was my ex in front of me, “So I need some advice, I just don’t know what to do with him anymore…” And in the midst of all of THAT, my daughter (15) texts and asks when I will be home because I promised to make her a grilled cheese sandwich and she’s hungry. MAKE IT YOURSELF!!!
I just want to be alone.
Now it’s Sunday morning and I’m feeling better. But Friday night…I hit overload. And you know what? My daughter got herself something to eat. Al got his car off the highway, and someone stopped and helped him get going again. Dan told his friend he’d have to handle things on his own and walked home to talk with me and his dad. My boyfriend didn’t wait for me and went home. And my ex cooked a dinner so that I would have something to eat. Sometimes saying no is the best thing.
I still haven’t had any time alone. And I still want it. I still sometimes want to throw a little fit so someone will stop and take care of me for a change. But that’s okay. This is a long, hard road sometimes, and I don’t have to be perfect. How about you?
Thank you to everyone who responded with reminders of Hope after my last post. I do realize that where there is breath, there is hope. Even beyond this life, there is Hope. Sometimes we get tired. Sad. Lost. And yet God remains, and Hope shines through.
Today we celebrate my middle boy’s 18th birthday. Hope alive. God bless you all!
With Dan, it’s been a series of unfortunate events lately. He used a second time since rehab, and he got back to recovery after. That’s twice. But then yesterday, he was in a car accident. It wasn’t his fault; some guy ran a red light. And then today, I guess his car was such a wreck already … then the accident …. today he was driving down the highway and the hood just fell off his car! Then he found out he was overdrawn at the bank. And then he got fired from his job. The good news is that amidst all of that, he did not use. But I worry that he will tomorrow or the next day. He sees no hope. His eyes looked so vacant.
I’m going to sleep now. But I sure wish I had some real hope to give him.
Greetings Everyone! My apologies for being gone so long; and thanks to those who have checked up on me these past couple of weeks. I have been doing ok, but just taking refuge in God’s love, my real-time friends, my family, and on-line word games, lol. One of those times when I tired of my addict-mom i.d. and needed a break from the computer screen. Missed you all though…and always keep you in my prayers.
Update: my son relapsed last week and ended up in the hospital. The police found him, during his break from work, passed out in his car in the mall parking lot. They brought him to the hospital. They did not arrest him, thank God. And he is fine. He did not lose his job — another miracle. Seems people are now trying to help him move forward. Even those who don’t know him well. Angels on earth.
Good news: Yesterday Dan sat before a Community Corrections board (picture big long wooden conference table with suited community leaders on one side and Dan on the other, ha). He must have done well because they approved his entrance into a Diversion Program. Two years supervision and if he does well, he moves forward with a clean record! No felony record! He is so very excited and this is a great motivation for him, and confirmation that all adults/the corrections system are not out to get him, but are trying to help. So please keep those prayers coming!
That’s all for now. Be well. Pray often. Stand in the sunshine (we have some sunshine in Colorado today). And be generous with Love. God bless!