Tag Archives: emotions

Acting or Reacting?

In your day-to-day life, do you tend to act or react?  oh sure, we all do both.  But those of us who tend toward codependency tend to spend much of our time reacting to the emotions and desires of others rather than choosing actions which stem from our own core selves — our own interests, life goals, and personal beliefs and desires. 

Example: I want to move to another house.  This house has bad memories for me at this point, plus my rent is higher than I will be able to afford soon due to an upcoming loss of alimony income.  My boyfriend thinks this is a great idea.  Time to downsize.  So I am happy and start to move forward, taking a look at apartments and rental homes.  Then my daughter speaks against it:  “I’m not moving THERE!  This is a terrible idea!”  I start to question my decision.  Then my middle son expresses enthusiasm.  I start moving foward again, etc., etc.

Today in Alanon we talked about how we can learn not to take on other people’s emotions.  I have realized recently how frequently I do that.  It’s an interesting journey, this self-discovery and healing process.

One Mom’s Issues

A funny thing happens when the kids don’t have any immediate troubles… I am forced to face my own.  Dan has been home for nine days and attended nine meetings.  His friends are going with him.  There have been no signs of any substances or substance use in my house.  Cathy is settling in; her emotions are steadier and she’s regaining her focus.  Allen is covering some ground with his therapist, learning to communicate emotions, and taking responsibility for his own health in a more active way.

So now, I have no one to look at but me, my house, my finances.  They are all pretty messy (um…it’s not a pretty mess though).  I don’t really want to do this.  It’s so much easier to ignore my bills because of my children’s crises! 

Also, I have not gone to an al-anon meeting yet.  What’s with that?  What am I avoiding?  After all that’s happened, it seemed like an easy thing.  My denial — an old friend — still tends to kick in.  I recognize her.  That’s why I’ve been avoiding this page.  But here I am.  One Mom Talking.

A random thought:  Do I need to get a flu shot?  For the kids too?