Tag Archives: past

Let Bygones Be…

past futureThere are so many sayings about the past: “Put the past behind you.” “Don’t look behind you, you’re not going that way.” “Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery.”

The one that rings most true to me right now is a quip that I don’t see often on facebook posts or memes: “The past is never where you think you left it.” (Katherine Ann Porter)  I may need to read some of her essays and stories – I think she’s hit the nail on the head.

One of the most frustrating things about this addiction/recovery process – about the road paved by drugs and their users – is  that it’s a path not easily erased and left behind. Even when a person has “ceased to be a prisoner of the past” and “continued moving forward one step at a time,” the past can appear without warning, rearing its head and proving that it is harder to dismiss than we want to believe.

Yesterday, one of my boys was arrested.  Apparently, he had attempted to sell something to someone a couple of years ago…

I won’t print the details (as little as I know) at this point, but it involves small-town police building a case over years in an attempt to get to the bigger dealers. I get that. I want those people stopped too. But it’s hard to watch this young man who has been working hard to support himself and his family, to stay clean and live right … to walk the right path … have the past come and spin him around, sneering, “Though you could leave me behind did you?”

We say, “Let bygones be bygones.”  It’s harder than it seems.

One mom talking. Can’t sleep. Thanks for being here. Much love and God’s peace to you all.

FOLLOW UP NOTE: Yes, all will be well. The system, hopefully, will work in favor of (a) stopping the flow of drugs and (b) supporting my son as he continues to build his life and raise his family. That’s the best possible outcome; that’s what we hope and pray for!

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The search for 20/20

looking backHindsight is always 20/20 – or so they say.  But whoever made up that quip … I don’t think they had an addict in the house. Looking back doesn’t really make it any clearer.

Recently, a friend told me that she read this whole blog; so I decided to come back here and read it myself from the start.  I has been a few years and I was wondering what I would think. I tried reading as if I was a stranger to the story, which wasn’t very hard to do. I felt like I was a stranger to the story!

Here are some things I noticed:

  • The child who was in the most trouble (or causing the most heartache) got all the press – with only a few exceptions.
  • Insomnia inspires blogging.
  • Drug addiction sucks – for everyone in the family.
  • I was in some real denial even when I thought I had stopped being in denial.
  • This place and all of you here in blogland helped me preserve some sanity. Thank you.
  • My journey really has been God-centered.
  • The severity of the crisis made it seem (to me, at the time) like all this addiction stuff had been going on for years, when it was only one year from when I discovered the problem to when I chose to move away. (That left me feeling bad; like I gave up too soon – but I let that go quickly too).
  • I have so much to be grateful for.

Another popular saying:  “Don’t look back. You’re not going that way.”  Good advice.  There’s nothing I (we) can do about the past. Eyes straight ahead – forward, march!