Last week I was feeling so happy and filled with gratitude that my boys had birthdays and are doing well. How is it that a week later, I’m feeling despondent? I’m filled with grief. Stress. Worry. I don’t expect it to last. But at this moment, as I’m writing, I’m deep in it. I miss my boys so much. In a way, I still feel like I’ve lost them.
They are at the age when it’s right for young men to move on from their parents and make their own lives. That’s not quite how it happened though, is it? They didn’t graduate high school and go to college and get a job out of town. I want to go back two years and erase it all and re-write the script and replay it the way it was supposed to be.
I feel selfish even writing this. There are parents out there who’s children are on the street or in hospitals or who have died. My boys are in recovery and they send me birthday cards, give me a call now and then.
I miss them. I miss them so much. And I miss being able to hug my daughter who is right here in this house with me but stopped letting me hug her after the whole addiction mess played out. So the boys are now 20 and 22, and my daughter went to prom last night and will graduate high school in a couple of months and won’t let me hug her. And here I am.
I guess I can be sad and grieving and grateful and blessed all at the same time. That’s it then. That’s what I am right now – all of those things. Figuring out how to be “One Mom Talking” all on my own. But, oh yes, you all are here. Thanks for that. Thanks for listening. God bless you.
Both of my boys have birthdays this month. One turned 20 last week and the other turned 22 today. I’m not close enough, geographically, to hug them. But I cannot be more grateful to God than I am right here and now, being able to call them and wish them the happiest of birthdays. Either God is real, or I am the luckiest person alive – having two sons with opiate addictions both in active recovery. Amazing. I choose God.
So I’m driving home from NYC the other day, listening to a CD of 70s songs that my sister put together for me — so I’d have plenty of singing time on the 12 hour drive back to South Carolina. This song came on. I’ve always been a Carly Simon fan, and I started to sing along. Then … wait a minute. I started it over and really listened to the words. I had never realized that this is a song about coming to know God. This is a song about recovery and meditation and the peace that passes all understanding. I never heard it that way before – always thought it was about a person.
So here you go, everyone. A message for all of us. Let’s open up to our Higher Power and choose healing. I hope you have a blessed day. Although I’m not here very often, I continue to keep you in my prayers. God bless.
On facebook, I “Like” a page called “Positively Positive.” I love the encouragement and plain ol’ good attitude this lady spreads to others. I particularly loved this blog entry called “Your Permission to Slip from the Universe.” I am sure you will appreciate this, especially if you’re feeling like you need a little something *just for you*. Click here: http://www.positivelypositive.com/2012/03/19/permission/
by onemomtalking: I took this photo recently at Brookgreen Gardens in Murrells Inlet, SC.