Last week I was feeling so happy and filled with gratitude that my boys had birthdays and are doing well. How is it that a week later, I’m feeling despondent? I’m filled with grief. Stress. Worry. I don’t expect it to last. But at this moment, as I’m writing, I’m deep in it. I miss my boys so much. In a way, I still feel like I’ve lost them.
They are at the age when it’s right for young men to move on from their parents and make their own lives. That’s not quite how it happened though, is it? They didn’t graduate high school and go to college and get a job out of town. I want to go back two years and erase it all and re-write the script and replay it the way it was supposed to be.
I feel selfish even writing this. There are parents out there who’s children are on the street or in hospitals or who have died. My boys are in recovery and they send me birthday cards, give me a call now and then.
I miss them. I miss them so much. And I miss being able to hug my daughter who is right here in this house with me but stopped letting me hug her after the whole addiction mess played out. So the boys are now 20 and 22, and my daughter went to prom last night and will graduate high school in a couple of months and won’t let me hug her. And here I am.
I guess I can be sad and grieving and grateful and blessed all at the same time. That’s it then. That’s what I am right now – all of those things. Figuring out how to be “One Mom Talking” all on my own. But, oh yes, you all are here. Thanks for that. Thanks for listening. God bless you.
One Mom Talking: The ongoing story of one mom, three teens, and heroin. 
We all feel this way once in awhile. The key is not to stay in that place very long. And oh by the way, it doesn’t matter what other’s are going through. Your life is about you and your family. Comparing how you should feel based on your life compared to others is not healthy and not productive! Take care of yourself!
Thanks, Lisa. I know you’re right. I was just having one of those days. Glad I reached out via the blogs though – and thanks for being there to respond!
Yup…I have been here. Thank god it is not a feeling that lingers for very long. I can back and look at a post I wrote and see what I was feeling on any given day. I am happy to say that as time passes there is more joy and happiness then depressing sadness but those moments still haunt me at the oddest times.
I can really relate to this. My oldest is currently 1100 miles from home in treatment. I had waited so long for the day I put him on the flight to send him away to get help. He has done well there and I am grateful. For the sake of his recovery I do not want him to come home. I know he needs to stay there to be near his support system. But oh how I miss him!
I know. It’s hard. But I’m so glad your son is doing well. God keeps us all together even when we’re apart!
I have little ones to still raise but miss my older ones being my little ones…I guess we can all feel joy, happiness and sadness all at the same time. Who knew?