Heal Thyself

Ever since Al was in the hospital, I have been a mess.  I haven’t been sleeping well at all.  I’m nervous.  I cry easily.  I pray and pray and still I fret about him.  So I call him.  “Are you okay?”  “Are you going to meetings?”  “Do you understand that if you’re using, you have so much to lose?”  “Remember to pray and go to meetings, I’m worried about you!”

He says, “I know, Mom.”  “I know, Mom.”  “I am, Mom.” 

It’s just today that I realized … It’s not Al’s responsibility to calm me down and help me sleep and make me feel better.  And sure, maybe he is using.  And we know he needs to be going to meetings.  But what I just realized today is that I need to be going to meetings!  I need some counseling.  I am my own responsibility – not Al’s! 

So I called him and told him that he’s not reponsible for my feelings.  And he felt glad to hear it.  This is sure a ride, isn’t it folks?  I feel a little better already.  Now to research government-supported counseling programs for me

God bless you all!

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3 responses to “Heal Thyself

  1. I hope you get to a meeting soon and get some help. I know I must do that also but I haven’t found the right meeting yet in my area. The NA meeting I went to was a disaster. I gave it 4 chances and came home feeling worse every time. It was doing more damage than good. I guess I should try again.
    I am doing this and wish you could come, my daughters serenity group is having a weekend in the Pocono Mountains of PA with speakers, yoga, writing, hiking and just some special time together. She is now on the board of the Northeast area NA group.
    I really put up a fight about going. Not sure why? Anyway, wish you could come up from SC to be there.
    Hope to speak to you soon. I am only a phone call or email away.
    Hugs to you.

  2. It is so hard to deal with this. It is very hard not to worry and project that worry on them. That was a big step for you to realize it. Take care of yourself.

  3. Boy, it sure is some ride! Good for you for recognizing that you need to get counseling for yourself vs. relying on Al (I’ve done the same thing with Keven and its really silly if you think about it). I hope you can find something, its sad that its so expensive that many of us can’t afford it. Take care of yourself, try to get some more sleep, it helps so much.

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