Sometimes the level of upheavel in my life reaches crazy proportions. At least it feels that way. I always stop myself there because I know that others have it worse. Somewhere, there’s someone with all of my problems and…they are homeless, or they are in an abusive relationship, or their child is missing, or someone has died. Just typing those things makes me realize my blessings, although that wasn’t my original intent in writing this morning.
It’s been like this over the past six months: I discovered my boys’ heroin use; I lost my job; my boyfriend retired from his job and then had major surgery; my boys’ drug use increased in severity; i came down with a serious health problem that requires several expensive tests to diagnose; I started a new job; my son was arrested and spent time in jail; my son went to rehab; my other son suffered regular panic attacks; a serious conflict in my church led to several good friends and ministry partners leaving the church and much in-fighting among people I love; my boyfriend’s ex-wife tried to revoke his time with his children (and I promise, not for any good reason) and demands more money (trust me, she’s getting more than she needs); he leaves the state to look for a new job; I start Al-Anon and now, begin to face my ever-increasing debt that has accumulated throughout this past spring and summer; a bill shows up for my younger son’s drug counseling, which I had been told was going to be free.
Deep breath. Again, life is worse for many people. I don’t live in my car. I have a job now, with insurance. I’m healthy again. But you know, every now and then I just want to whine.
Oh yes, and my real point…when everything goes topsy turvy — seek God! I had a thought this morning. In the third chapter of Exodus, in the Bible, God gets Moses’ attention by speaking to him in the fire of a burning bush. The really unusual thing that got Moses’ attention about the bush was that, while it was on fire, it was not being consumed by the fire. Ha. I realized this morning that the bush represents more than God getting our attention in unusual circumstances. The bush is a sign to Moses of his future life with God. Because, my friends, doesn’t life reach those points where we feel like a burning bush — old, dried up, broken by the slightest wind? And yet, if we walk covered by the grace of God, we can be standing in the middle of the fire and NOT be consumed by it. This is the greatest hope!
So I say, thank God for God. Because on my own, I could not do this crazy living in any kind of a sane way.