Today is Dan’s day in court and this is how I’m feeling about it! Ha! Yes, just a little intimidated! Right now, as I type this, he is having his sentencing hearing. And I feel so bad that I’m not there. I know that it’s okay that I’m not there. I know that my absence from that courtroom is significant because it emphasizes the results of his drug use. It demonstrates that there are losses to him as a result of his behavior; not just through the court system … but personal, family losses … like not having his mother show up in court.
I have been there for all of his other court hearings. I always wanted him to be able to look out and see my face — know that I was loving and supporting him. This time, he’ll have to know it somewhere in his heart.
But I still feel sad, and a little scared and, well, you all know what I mean. I feel like inventing a new set of words to describe the emotional storms we experience as parents of addicts. So, anyway, I’ll report in when I find out the results.