Dan came home from Rehab 2 yesterday. Not home to my house though; home to his dad’s. I was nervous. The hardest part is not knowing what to expect. I do see some differences this time though:
He’s not talking like it’s going to be easy. The first time he came out of rehab, he talked idealistically about how he was changing his life. He was full of rose-colored optimism. Constantly reassuring me. And he was lying the whole time. Using the whole time. Now, he’s talking about the struggle. About how he hopes he can make it. How he hopes he can grow strong enough to serve as an example to others. But he knows it will be hard. He told me, “I’m doing my best mom. I hope I can do it. I think I can. But please know that I might mess up.” Realism. A good sign.
He will drive 30 miles to his after care counseling three times a week. He is not arguing against this. Last time he insisted that he didn’t need support. This time, he says he realizes the only way he can make it is to have a support system in place.
So I’m hoping. But there is that little knot in my stomach. The good news — it’s not there all the time. I don’t think about it all the time. I am sleeping. I am focusing on my other children, my job, my house and not obsessing on Dan and addiction all the time. Another new start for Dan. Another new start for the family.
Praying for you all, and grateful for your support!
Wow, I didn’t realize how long I’ve been away. Thanks to everyone who has visited here — for your support and for sharing your stories. I’m glad we have an online community to reach out to in times of trial.
As Christmas approaches, with the onset of a New Year right behind, I thought I’d give an update and a word of hope.
Dan is in jail for the second time. The court process has been encouraging though. We got a good prosecutor who seems to understand Dan’s plight. He has dropped all but one charge, and has recommended Dan for a diversion program. So, if Dan is able to comply with court orders and direction for however long (a couple of years I suppose), he will emerge with a clean record.
As for Dan’s point of view — he’s been in jail for a month. While there, some people have told him some not-so-pretty stories about prison life. He does not want to go to prison! That threat, and the possibility of a clean record, have (I think) given him much more motivation to recover than he had before. But what do we know about addicts? They are very good liars. so I’ll believe it when I see it. Still, I’m allowing myself a glimmer of hope.
Heck, it’s Christmastime! Dan gets out of jail on a new, lower bond on Tuesday — into residential rehab on Wednesday. Friday is Christmas and we will be thankful that he has another chance to put his life on a new track. I pray and pray and pray for him. And whenever I drive past the jail, I stop and pray some more. Sometimes it’s all a mother can do. But the Bible tells us that God honors a mother’s prayers (or so I’m told…I don’t know where that is in the Bible. Hm. I’ll let you know).
I am ready for a new year. I believe 2010 will be a year of healing — not just for my family, but for many, many families. That’s what I’m looking for. Healing stories of 2010. 🙂
God bless you all and have a wonderful, love-filled holiday season!
If you have some dollars to spare, here’s a place to donate: http://www.firstgiving.com/narconon. Please consider giving to narconon. Every dollar helps, and if you pass on buying lunch or fancy coffee once or twice a week, you can give a little more. It helps our children and our families, our loved ones in addiction — and those in countries where there are less resources need help too.
Thanks for considering this.
On Wednesday, my Prodigal Son comes home and I … am scared. I sit and talk with him, and he is like the young man I have always known him to be: polite, intelligent, compassionate, and stubborn. His rehab center has given him the best tools and all of the steps he needs to get a running start. He is confident. I want to reflect this same confidence to him. I want to tell him I feel sure he will succeed. But it’s not true and I have vowed to be honest. I’m just a mom who is a little bit afraid.
Dan got his 30-day-clean award at NA meeting tonight! This was the highlight of my day.