Dan came home from Rehab 2 yesterday. Not home to my house though; home to his dad’s. I was nervous. The hardest part is not knowing what to expect. I do see some differences this time though:
He’s not talking like it’s going to be easy. The first time he came out of rehab, he talked idealistically about how he was changing his life. He was full of rose-colored optimism. Constantly reassuring me. And he was lying the whole time. Using the whole time. Now, he’s talking about the struggle. About how he hopes he can make it. How he hopes he can grow strong enough to serve as an example to others. But he knows it will be hard. He told me, “I’m doing my best mom. I hope I can do it. I think I can. But please know that I might mess up.” Realism. A good sign.
He will drive 30 miles to his after care counseling three times a week. He is not arguing against this. Last time he insisted that he didn’t need support. This time, he says he realizes the only way he can make it is to have a support system in place.
So I’m hoping. But there is that little knot in my stomach. The good news — it’s not there all the time. I don’t think about it all the time. I am sleeping. I am focusing on my other children, my job, my house and not obsessing on Dan and addiction all the time. Another new start for Dan. Another new start for the family.
Praying for you all, and grateful for your support!