I really have so much to update and will not do that at this time. It’s 6AM and I need to shower and go to work.
I will tell you that I have been feeling guilty lately because I’m moving forward with my life and spend less and less time in “mother of addict” mode. Does this mean I’m denying reality? Don’t know. Dan’s been in jail for months now. I saw him Friday and he looks good. I cried when I saw him. He cried too…well, almost. I saw tears in his eyes.
Anyway, I had been feeling guilty about not visiting him enough, about actually going forward with the move (five weeks), about not trying to help him define his next step, etc. And then in church yesterday, we saw this U2 video. It settled my heart a bit. Perhaps it will serve you as well. God Bless!
One Mom Talking: The ongoing story of one mom, three teens, and heroin. 
Moving forward with my life (and my recovery in Al-Anon) is how I got better. I felt guilty at first, too. Until I realized it was the most loving thing I could do for my alcoholic/addict as well as for myself.
Thanks, Kathy. I went to Al-Anon for a little bit, then stopped. I think that once I move, I’ll start again. I told my son that, despite the move, I’m not abandoning him. But that I (and his sister) cannot live in this situation right now. He said, “We all have to do our own recovery, Mom. Whatever that means for each of us.” Thanks for your support.
This is one of my most favorite songs they’ve ever recorded. I used it at a retreat recently…”a thought that changed the world”.
Detachment is different from denial. When we do things differently than how we use to as codependents it feels weird and funny. I still wonder, but then I look at the fruit of my life and realize…yep…detachment is necessary and its because of the fact that I see REALITY that I detach and; live and let live.
Loving thoughts for you today.
Jennifer, I like the way you explain the denial v detachment distinction. It does feel weird and funny. Part of me knows that I’m detaching, and that it’s a healthy thing. Part of me *feels* like I’m abandoning Dan. I know I’m not. But I feel like I am. Glad you’re here!
You are only abandoning when you stop caring about the individual. I have detached from my daughter, but it is the grandchildren, who I have never met, who make it tough to let go. I know she prays on others now, because I am not available anymore. But I will never quit caring as long as I live.