Happy New Year, everyone. I sincerely hope that 2011 brings healing, spiritual renewal, and a deep sense of serenity into your lives and the lives of those you love.
As much as I want to detest 2010 (as if a time period has meaning and character all its own), today I gratefully report that 2010 ends (and 2011 begins) with both of my boys in recovery. I do feel deeply grateful. I’d like to say that I feel Joyful — but that would be dishonest.
My melancholy comes partly from needing more time to trust the recovery my sons have committed to, and partly from my own continued need to heal from the addiction that turned our family upside down … and moreso, my daughter’s need to heal, which she has yet to acknowledge. We have an appointment for a mental health evaluation on January 4. I am grateful for that. I’ve been out of work since July and we have no insurance. Luckily the county we are in has this program for high school students, and so we are getting hooked in.
All this to say that this year, I take “New Years Day” with a grain of salt. I’ve returned to Al Anon (which I didn’t do much of last year) and what I’m learning is that every day is New Years Day. Every day is an opportunity to accomplish whatever we can, to be the best we can be, to encourage those we love, to start over if we’ve erred, to find gratitude, to love ourselves, to pray for a new start.
During 2010, I spent a lot of time trying to decide who is sick and who is well and who is responsible for what … I’ve let that all go. On this fun date of 1/1/11, for today, I’m not playing the blame game. I’m not going to try to analyze my daughter. I’m not going to try to analyze myself. I’m going to tell all my children I love them, bake some corn bread, take down the Christmas decorations, and rest.
One of my Al Anon friends gave me this prayer: “God, bless [him, her, them] and change me.” I’m going to stop being like Calvin in this comic, and admit my need for change. This is my prayer today.
Every day is New Years Day. Thanks for being here, everyone. You true blessings in my life, whatever the date may be.
I also need to focus more on my own healing and stop dwelling on the things I can’t control in terms of my son, my estranged husband, my job and everything else that has worn me down in the past.
I don’t know if it is a resolution (which always seems destined to fail), but it is a commitment I am making to my own health and well being.
Lisa, feel free to email if you ever want to communicate one-on-one: firstname.lastname@example.org.
Thought I would post today. My daughter is clean and sober 1 year today. She is working her sobriety and very involved in NA as you know. Although someone may post that it doesnt mean anything, it does to her and to our family. She could be gone and not even with us and we have her back and vibrant. I am not unrealistic that the other shoe could drop at any time but I will enjoy the clean time while we have it. I had a horrible night last night reliving all the pain of the last year but we got here. Why can’t we ever be comfortable even when things are going well. I am not sure but I am going to keep trying. My daughter is working her recovery and I wish the same for your sons and and a Happy and Healthy New Year. Thank you for being there for me this past year. It has meant the world to me.
Thanks so much for posting this update, Renee! My hope is strengthened when I hear how well your daughter is doing. I think that it *does* mean something when our children are in recovery. It means they are living their lives to the best of their ability each day, and I am fully grateful for that! As for us, we have to work our recovery as well – and the more we do, the less time we will spend nursing our own worries. You’ve become a friend; thank you for being here! ~One Day At A Time~