If you are active in this particular support community, you know that I did not make up the “MOA” term. But I like it. MOA = Mother of an Addict. (credit: http://madyson007.wordpress.com).
My strongest MOA sympton right now is a feeling of nervousness in the evenings. Understand – I don’t live with my addicts anymore and they are both in recovery right now. So the issues many of you are dealing with are not a direct part of my life at the moment. And yet, still this hint of anxiety. It starts as the day closes, and it centers around Al, who is living in a halfway house in another state (not near to me or his dad). As the sun sets, I begin to feel that tightness in my belly. As the day grows dark, the quiet thoughts sneak in: “Maybe he’s thinking about using now.” “Maybe he used today.” “Is he doing as well as he says he is?” “Where will he turn if he starts using in this new town?”
You are probably familiar with the train of thought.
The good news is that I’m learning to stop the train before it speeds up enough to make it to the tunnel. It sometimes turns from nervousness to mild fear, but it doesn’t make it all the way to full anxiety or terror. It doesn’t keep me from sleeping anymore. When I notice it beginning to chug-chug-chug, I turn to prayer. I’m talking on-my-knees prayer. Prayer and an encouraging Bible verse and my nightly gratitude list are enough to stop the train.
There is life after heroin. God bless you all.