Category Archives: God

Like Wind Through My Window

Image“The Power of Now” (Tolle) has spurred me to begin regular meditation sessions here at
home. He says to get quiet and feel the inside of your body. That intrigued me and I tried it and I find that it works to quiet my mind. I cannot sustain inner dialogue or ponder mistakes from the past or  create “what-if” scenarios if I am breathing in and breathing out and focusing on what’s inside my skin. May sound strange, but it works.

Today I stayed home from work because if illness. My chest is scratchy and my sinuses hurt and my whole body feels exhausted. Tomorrow I’m supposed to drive from South Carolina to Florida to see my dad for Christmas. So this morning I was grumpy and concerned that my illness might prevent this trip.  And so, in response to both the illness and the grumpies, I decided to turn off the tv, close the laptop, and meditate. Here’s what happened:

Round One: I sat cross-legged on my bed, breathing in and out, reciting a bit of a prayer/mantra, and getting quiet. I became aware of the stuffiness of the air in my house. I haven’t had windows open in weeks and I was filled with a desire for a fresh, clean breeze. I opened my eyes and got off the bed and opened the bedroom window, plus a couple of others around the house.

Round Two:  I resumed my position, this time facing the open window. I resumed my breathing and began to focus on the sound of the wind through the trees. I am one with the wind. The wind and the trees and I have the same creator. Slow breath in through the nose. Slow breath out through the mouth. Hear the leaves brush against each other and the passing cars… CRASH!! 

Apparently the window wasn’t inserted properly into its frame. The wind blew the window in (the bottom section – the glass and it’s surrounding frame). The wind blew the window in, it fell onto the nightstand, knocking down the lamp. The lamp fell down and off the table onto the floor, hitting the nearby ironing board as it fell, knocking the iron onto the floor as well.

So much for my quiet time. But It did make me aware of the need to fix the window.

As I put everything back where it belonged, believe it or not I became aware of how the wind through the window was a metaphor for life. Yes it was. Sometimes everything just gets knocked over. Sometimes something that we think will be peaceful creates a ruckus. So we pick up the pieces, look for life lessons to learn, and move on.

I am now reading Marianne Williamson’s new book “The Law of Divine Compensation.” She says that the Universe corrects us when we get off course. Sometimes, I think, it does that by knocking a few things over and showing us a new plan. (Fix the window, put the ironing board away…).

God is like wind through my window. Refreshing and beautiful, with an occasional surprise. May the peace that passes our understanding sustain you in your travels. God bless.

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Video

Questions for God

This is my first humble attempt at creating a youtube video with a bit of spiritual teaching and an original song. Surely we’ve all had questions for God. Please view gently – I’m just testing this out.

Prayers Tonight (this morning)

I suppose 4AM is “this morning” (even though it still feels like night).  Either way, here I am writing prayers.  I received a call an hour ago from Mike – my Ex – that he received a call that Al is in the hospital – possible overdose. So much for my cell-phone-detachment bragging rights.  We’ve had about four months of clean living in our family and I’m grateful for that.  And we’ve done this drill before.  Maybe I can approach it with some sense of serenity.

Anyway, over these months I’ve been writing Scripture-based prayers for all of my children, and in support of Al, I’m posting a couple of his here:

Psalm 42:5 “God, sometimes Al is discouraged.  Sometimes he is sad.  I pray that you guide him so that he puts his trust in you. So that he knows that you are his Savior and his God!”

Psalm 25:4-5 “Dear Lord, show Al the right path. Point out the right road for him to follow. Lead Al by your truth and teach him; for you are the God who saves him. All day long, may he put his trust in You.”

I join in prayer for all of you and your children.  I’m going to try to go back to sleep, since right now, the best thing I can do is stay rested and well.  May God’s peace be with you all.

A Mother’s Day Update

First things first:  I want to wish all you Moms out there a wonderful, restful, peaceful, loving Mother’s Day!  Even when I’m not showing up here on the Blogs, I keep you all in my prayers. 

Update:  Life has been busy, that’s for sure.  And things are looking up these days for my family…

  • DAN is doing GREAT!  Last month I went to visit Colorado, saw the judge, got the restraining order lifted and, for the first time in eight months, got to spend time with Dan.  I gave him so many hugs!  He’s being promoted in his job and planning to apply to college for the fall.  I know that an addict can slip at any time, but I’ve allowed myself to fully accept Dan’s recovery right now.  He looks fantastic,  has a great outlook on life, and is succeeding in all his programs.  It’s amazing how a life can turn around in God’s hands.  Amen.
  • AL has 80 days clean!  He is still looking for work, but he has also managed to stay in his sober living home and manage his life.  He’s had some bumps in the road, but as far as I know they’ve not included using.  I still worry about him a little … but each time we talk my worry lessens.  It almost seems too good to be true that both boys are in recovery mode and staying there.
  • LYNN is starting to open up.  She asked me if she could go to church with me tomorrow — first time since we moved last July!  I’m so happy.  We’ve been getting along better.  And she did really well on her ACT exam for college. 

What else can I say?  I’m working two jobs – which is a little nutsy – but I’m also getting back on my financial feet somewhat.  I’m doing a 13-week program at my church “Financial Peace University.”  It’s time to put that piece of my life in place.  In the meantime, the warm weather is settling in here in South Carolina, and an hour on the beach today did a lot to calm my over-active brain.  Now prayer and sleep, and a new day tomorrow.

God bless your Mother’s Day!

His Next Move, Pt. II

Update:  Al is hoping to be accepted into a sober living facility in either Kansas or Nebraska!  He is choosing not to try to come here or go back to Colorado.  If he accomplishes this, I will call it Check Mate and declare him a winner in this round.  God opens the doors, but we each have to walk through onto new paths.  And the boy is walking.  Amen!

His Next Move

Al has only ten days left in rehab.  At least that’s how it looks right now.  So he is deciding what to do next.  His counselor recommends that he not go back to his hometown since all his connections are there.  He wants to come to a halfway house about an hour away from me.  I don’t know what to say.

First, I said yes.  Then, I talked to his counselor and raised some serious concerns about it.  Could he go somewhere in Colorado that’s not near his friends?  But after that conversation, I felt terrible stress in the pit of my stomach.  It doesn’t feel right.

Maybe he could come here.  An hour away.  Far enough that, without a car, he can’t just pop over to the house.  Close enough that I could pick him up and take him to church and to the house for Sunday dinner once a week.  A place where his only acquaintences would be family and the people he meets in his program.  It feels right to me but I don’t know if I’m trying to control or if I’m trying to aid recovery.  Once again, I’m clueless.  The people in my Alanon group listen to me and nod, but give no advice. 

I’m calling his counselor today to talk about it again.  I feel unrest in my spirit.  I have prayed that God would let things fall in place in such a way as to direct him to where he needs to go.  I guess that’s the real answer.  Trust God.  Let go.  Trust God some more.  I’ve never been good at chess – and life really is not a chess game.  If it is, it’s God’s move.

Rebirth

 This is a photo I took here in South Carolina.  My new home.  It is a symbol, though, of all rebirth for me and my family.  Especially for Dan.

The bigget news:  Dan gave his life to Christ after being ministered to in jail by a visiting Bible Study leader.  Now, he is out on probation living with his dad.  He’s been clean (except for one slip) since May.  But clean now for 28 days outside of jail, by his own choice and because – he will tell you – of the power of God that lives in him.  He reads the bible daily, goes to church, meets weekly with the pastor, and has met a group of students from a local college who meet for study and fellowship together.  PRAISE GOD!! 

I am not allowed to talk to Dan on the phone, or to visit him in person.  The restraining order set in place back in May is still in effect.  The judge won’t lift it until I am able to go to Colorado and meet with her in court.  I don’t know when that will happen.  But I am sure it will happen exactly when it’s supposed to.  In the meantime, Dan and I write letters to each other.  It’s a wonderful, underused way of communication.  He can tell me about his life, uninterrupted, and I can do the same.  We are getting to know each other in a way we might not have otherwise. 

He says, “Mom, I am growing up now.  And you have your own journey.  Do what you need to do.  I love you!”  What more could a mother ask for?