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If anyone is in the western or midwestern U.S. and needs a rehab for a loved one, one place you might try is one of the Valley Hope facilities.  With locations in Colorado, Arizona, Texas, Oklahoma, Kansas, and Nebraska, the Valley Hope Association offers residential rehab for alcoholics and addicts, including medically monitored detox, full-time and part-time care, aftercare, etc.  Here’s the link to their map of locations: http://www.valleyhope.org/locations/default.asp.

Many of us have talked about rehabs and hope – sometimes saying they offer hope, sometimes saying they offer false hope.  Today I’m thinking, maybe it’s our expectations – and/or the expectations of the addicts – that need adjusting.  Both of my boys have been to Valley Hope facilities, and our experience there has been a good one.  But we all need to understand something that every rehab we’ve experienced has taught us:  The 30-day stint is just the beginning.  It is “hope” in that it gives us a glimpse of the possible.  But they tell us that this really just sets the stage for the truly difficult long-term work of the addict to maintain sobriety.

I’m not sure of my main point here.  I guess I want to publicly express thanks to the Valley Hope Association for helping me and my family in many ways; to say that I have no idea what Al’s latest round of 30-day rehab will do for him or not do for him, but I’m hopeful.  I’m hopeful that these 30 days will be a good experience…will maybe plant 30 more days of good life in his heart and brain.  I know he might come out and go right back to the street.  And that he might come out and do okay.  This time, I am putting aside expectations and just doing what I think is right today.

I’m glad he’s there.  And I’m glad those caring people are there to be with him.  And I really need to go to sleep!  Goodnight all, have a good weekend.  I wish us all rest.

A dear friend of mine is driving Al to a rehab in Kansas tomorrow. I might be crazy to support another rehab attempt. But my gut says I need to try. God bless my friend for his willingness to make the 5-hour drive each way. Al is ready and excited.

Now I need sleep. God bless.

People have commented lately about my faith.  It’s both a gift and an ongoing choice.  It’s a gift you have to choose to unwrap every day – sometimes every hour.  Will you leave it sitting on the table looking pretty? Or open it up – knowing you’ll likely spill something on it or lose it in the laundry or leave it in the car… But also knowing that the next time you turn around, there it will be, brand new, sitting on the table again, wrapped and waiting for you to discover what’s inside. 

I had a long post sitting in my head today and wasn’t sure if I’d be able to articulate it well.  Then I stopped by another blog and there it was, waiting for me.  So instead of reinventing this particular wheel, I’ll just pass you on to a friend.  Please visit this post by another parent of another addict, walking our walk and talking our talk:  Mom Letting Go and Letting God. 

Update on the family:

• Al is either out on the street or in jail. Stole from his dad and his brother and took off. It was nice to have him back for awhile but so sad to watch him fall. Prayers for him please. Jail would be a saving grace for him right now.
• Dan is still doing well – probably close to 120 days clean out of jail. But he’s experiencing intense cravings. The old-timers in his groups tell him this is normal, that he just needs to push through them, which he is doing. He’s doing great at work and they are going to send him to management training! Praises for the miracles in his life!
• Lynn is up and down with her moods and anxiety. Part being a 16 year old girl, part living with the strain of heroin-addicted brothers. But she’s doing well in school and is relatively polite to me these days, so I’ll take it!
• Mike, the kids’ dad, is really stepping up to the plate. Have to give him credit. He has started a new Naranon group (right now there’s only one in their area). I’m so grateful for this.
• Me – I’m really doing ok. Surrounded by wonderful community in my church and here and my supportive family, and the strength of an omnipotent God. Amen!

That’s the update. More to come I’m sure. One mom talking. God bless.

Love this song by Casting Crowns.  My faith surely must be bigger than my circumstances.  The Bible tells us not to despair, but in all things give praise.  If we give in to despair, we are giving focus and energy to the thing that we despise.  Instead, in praise, we build up all that is good, healing, and comforting. 

We all have times of grieving.  Don’t get me wrong.  But the more we practice praise in the midst of grief, the more we are able to receive help, and to help ourselves and others.  Just a thought from me on this February morning as I pray for my son, my family, and all of you.

It’s late and I’m going to try to sleep now.  The news of the day is that my middle boy, Al – 18 y.o. – is using again.  His dad found evidence in his room and confronted him with it.  His dad asked him to come up with a plan of action.  Later, his dad found a note: “I don’t want to cause the family any more pain.  I’m taking off for a couple of days.  Don’t worry, I have someplace warm to sleep.  I’ll call you in a day or two.”   He took some clothes, a blanket, and $100.  It’s very cold and very snowy in Colorado right now. 

Yup.  I’m going to try to get some sleep.  I’m not ready to feel the fear.  Either that or I’m growing numb.  Because all i feel is tired.

But don’t despair.  God is bigger than my worries and bigger than Al’s addiction.  one day…one night at a time.  God bless.

I wrote lyrics once to a song called “Sunday Mornin’ Blues.”  Well, i’m feeling them today. 

Last summer, when I made the decision to move, one thing I left behind was my relationship with a man I really loved.  Actually, we were trying to keep it together.  He had family issues out west; I had family issues back east.  We’d take care of our families and then have time for each other again.

Well, yesterday – almost exactly two years after our first date – he TEXTED me to let me know that he’s dating other people, and he thought I should as well.  Ok.  I get that a long-distance relationship is difficult and maybe it was too much to expect we could keep it going.  But telling me BY TEXT??  We’re 50 years old – not 15!!  i don’t know if I’m more sad or angry. 

One more thing lost to the cause.  And know this – I still have hope and I’ll keep on going and I know that God has a bigger plan.  I’m just complaining and whining and saying it here because it feels good to get it out.  Thanks for listening!

On this beautiful, foggy, rainy Carolina morning, a friend’s post reminded me today that I really do believe in HOPE, and that good things happen with and without my help or involvement.  God does good things in people’s lives THROUGH me and DESPITE me!  Two of my early morning readings confirmed that as well.

• On helping others, Al-Anon’s “Courage to Change” reminds me that God’s timing isn’t always my timing:  “There is no magic wand that makes others ready for Al-Anon [read: “recovery” or “help”].  And it is presumptuous to assume that I have a better idea of their true path than they do.  Let me help those who want help…”
• On being used by God, in the Bible Study, “Living Your Life as a Beautiful Offering,” author Angela Thomas confirms that I don’t have to be perfect or special to be used by God.  She writes:  “Feeling kind of plain today?  Then you’re the kind of woman God’s looking for.  I am sitting on my bed, typing on my laptop. I have on gym shorts and a t-shirt. My three-day hair is in a ponytail, kind of…The dryer is buzzing. There are piles of laundry on the other side of the bed…My life is so very common, and yet, God can use a woman like me.”

All this to say that (1) we’re not in charge of other people’s lives BUT (2) we do have an effect on other people’s lives AND (3) we can be used by God just as we are!  So just for today I am putting down my worries, my expectations (for myself and others), and my self-doubts.  HOPE walks in unexpected ways and in unexpected places.

Thank you to A Mom’s Serious Blunder for sharing your walk and your honesty with me and all of us.  You help me by being here.  You all help me by being here.  God Bless!