Category Archives: Addict Child

The Mourning Shall Rejoice

Posted on January 28, 2012 | 4 comments

So my last post was a mournful one. Self-pity. Whaddya gonna do?

This post is rejoiceful! My son, Dan, now 21 years old, completed his 1.5 year program in Recovery Court! Yesterday they had a court hearing for all the Recovery Court people. And when it was Dan’s turn, lo and behold, he was greeted by: his current judge, his original judge, his parole officer, his counselor, his NarAnon sponsor, the people who worked in the jail when he was there, even the prosecuting attorney. Even the judge’s clerk … and it was her day off. They all came to congratulate Dan on a job well done and to give testimony, on the record, of what an inspiration it has been to watch him grow and heal.

I wish I could have been there. But his dad was there, which is good. I’m tearing up just writing it.

In this case, for my boy, “The System” worked. The system I often railed against came through, partly because the program is a good one – a real example of the “it takes a village” philosophy. So I hope that program continues to be supported. But the program only works because of the people who run it. They did their jobs with heart, and they — plus the hand of God — saved my son’s life. And he has touched theirs as well.

I’ll write an official letter to someone there to express this, but I want to say it here: Thanks to all public officials who are in their positions for the right reasons, doing the best they can for everyday citizens. Whatever I end up owing the IRS…it’s nothing compared to the gratitude I owe to all the people who walked beside my son at a time when I had to walk away.

God bless us all.

4 Comments

Posted in Addict Child, Addiction, Healing, Heroin, Parent of addict, Recovering Child, Recovery, Support Community, The Ongoing Story

The Circle Game

Posted on June 25, 2011 | 2 comments

Anyone remember this song that Joni Mitchell sang? “Years spin by and now the boy is twenty. though his dreams have lost some gradeur coming true…There’ll be new dreams – there’ll be better dreams, and plenty, before his last revolving year is through.”

Yes, the years are spinning by. And I’m so grateful! One boy is 19 and one boy is 21. And while their dreams might have lost some grandeur compared to those earlier, more innocent years of their lives, they are dreaming still. So grateful.

Since I’ve neglected this page for awhile, here’s an update: Dan is a manager now with the food chain he’s been working for. He works too many hours, and contemplates backing out of the job for that reason, but he’s not rushing his decision about it (which in itself is a major sign of maturity). He looks so great and I wish I could post his picture here because he’s such a strong and handsome young man!

Al is doing well too. He’s out of his halfway house and he’s living with a girl. I guess they’re not supposed to enter relationships so quickly (especially with someone else in recovery) but the two of them have made this decision. They attend meetings together and he helps her family with various chores and child care, and they’re helping him find work in the town he’s settled into. He’s very active in the recovery community and contacts me regularly. So…while I still have those occasional nights when I wake up with a heart of worry about him, I think he’s doing well.

My daughter has friends now, and a car, and we’re going to visit colleges this summer! Wow…my youngest has only one more year in high school.

I’m enjoying my nonprofit job, and getting along much better with my boss. So gratitude is the attitude of the day. And here’s the best thing: “Addict” is not the first thing I think of when I think of my boys now. I never thought this day would come. I know that we could find ourselves back in that someday. But right now, “there are new dreams, there are better dreams – and plenty…” God bless you all.

2 Comments

Posted in Addict Child, Parent of addict, Recovering Child, Recovery, The Ongoing Story

A Mother’s Day Update

Posted on May 7, 2011 | 3 comments

First things first: I want to wish all you Moms out there a wonderful, restful, peaceful, loving Mother’s Day! Even when I’m not showing up here on the Blogs, I keep you all in my prayers.

Update: Life has been busy, that’s for sure. And things are looking up these days for my family…

DAN is doing GREAT! Last month I went to visit Colorado, saw the judge, got the restraining order lifted and, for the first time in eight months, got to spend time with Dan. I gave him so many hugs! He’s being promoted in his job and planning to apply to college for the fall. I know that an addict can slip at any time, but I’ve allowed myself to fully accept Dan’s recovery right now. He looks fantastic, has a great outlook on life, and is succeeding in all his programs. It’s amazing how a life can turn around in God’s hands. Amen.
AL has 80 days clean! He is still looking for work, but he has also managed to stay in his sober living home and manage his life. He’s had some bumps in the road, but as far as I know they’ve not included using. I still worry about him a little … but each time we talk my worry lessens. It almost seems too good to be true that both boys are in recovery mode and staying there.
LYNN is starting to open up. She asked me if she could go to church with me tomorrow — first time since we moved last July! I’m so happy. We’ve been getting along better. And she did really well on her ACT exam for college.

What else can I say? I’m working two jobs – which is a little nutsy – but I’m also getting back on my financial feet somewhat. I’m doing a 13-week program at my church “Financial Peace University.” It’s time to put that piece of my life in place. In the meantime, the warm weather is settling in here in South Carolina, and an hour on the beach today did a lot to calm my over-active brain. Now prayer and sleep, and a new day tomorrow.

God bless your Mother’s Day!

3 Comments

Posted in Addict Child, addiction daughter, Faith, God, Hope, Parent of addict, Recovering Child, Recovery, Siblings

His Next Move, Pt. II

Posted on March 2, 2011 | 5 comments

Update: Al is hoping to be accepted into a sober living facility in either Kansas or Nebraska! He is choosing not to try to come here or go back to Colorado. If he accomplishes this, I will call it Check Mate and declare him a winner in this round. God opens the doors, but we each have to walk through onto new paths. And the boy is walking. Amen!

5 Comments

Posted in Addict Child, God, Heroin, Recovering Child, Recovery, The Ongoing Story

His Next Move

Posted on March 2, 2011 | 1 comment

Al has only ten days left in rehab. At least that’s how it looks right now. So he is deciding what to do next. His counselor recommends that he not go back to his hometown since all his connections are there. He wants to come to a halfway house about an hour away from me. I don’t know what to say.

First, I said yes. Then, I talked to his counselor and raised some serious concerns about it. Could he go somewhere in Colorado that’s not near his friends? But after that conversation, I felt terrible stress in the pit of my stomach. It doesn’t feel right.

Maybe he could come here. An hour away. Far enough that, without a car, he can’t just pop over to the house. Close enough that I could pick him up and take him to church and to the house for Sunday dinner once a week. A place where his only acquaintences would be family and the people he meets in his program. It feels right to me but I don’t know if I’m trying to control or if I’m trying to aid recovery. Once again, I’m clueless. The people in my Alanon group listen to me and nod, but give no advice.

I’m calling his counselor today to talk about it again. I feel unrest in my spirit. I have prayed that God would let things fall in place in such a way as to direct him to where he needs to go. I guess that’s the real answer. Trust God. Let go. Trust God some more. I’ve never been good at chess – and life really is not a chess game. If it is, it’s God’s move.

1 Comment

Posted in Addict Child, Addiction, Faith, God, Heroin, Parent of addict, Recovering Child, Recovery, The Ongoing Story

Tagged Addiction, Heroin, Recovery, Rehab

Wherever You Go…

Posted on January 26, 2011 | Leave a comment

My daughter is still struggling with our move. When we lived in Colorado, she had reasons why she wanted to leave that place and those circumstance. Now that we are in South Carolina, she has reasons why she believes Colorado was better, or why South Carolina is not the best place, or whatever. You get the idea.

I figure it’s time for her to learn something we all learn at some point or another: “Wherever you go, there you are.” Perhaps addicts learn this more clearly than the rest of us. Whether in our homes, motel rooms, or on the streets, they still are who they are. And sometimes the only way for them to learn that is for us to take that hard stand and draw those firm boundaries.

One blog friend has had to do this recently. It’s painful to read the stories from those who are just getting to that point with their addicts. I’m grateful to be past that right now; and yet clearly aware that I might end up there again someday. Relapse is the unforgiven friend you hope never shows up on caller i.d.

One of my favorite poets, Pablo Neruda, says it this way: “Someday, somewhere – anywhere, unfailingly, you’ll find yourself, and that, and only that, can be the happiest or bitterest hour of your life.” Dr. Wayne Dyer reminds us: “Heaven on Earth is a choice you must make, not a place we must find.”

It’s all about the journey. Wherever you go, there you are. My daughter will learn in her own time; as we all do. So be the blessing you want to see in the world. I love you all – God bless!

Preventing Relapse | Addiction Management

Posted on January 8, 2011 | Leave a comment

“The successful person has the habit of doing things failures don’t like to do, they don’t like doing them either necessarily. But their disliking is subordinated to the strength of their purpose.” – E.M. Gray

Interesting. I have just entered the field of real estate sales in South Carolina. My sales coach used this quote at the very beginning of training session #1 as he explained the difference between the 10% of salespeople who make 90% of the sales – and everybody else.

Today, I found this same quote opening an article on addiction management. This confirms for me something I’ve become to realize: the formula for success is very much the same, whatever your goal, and whatever your psychological condition. Overweight due to inactivity? Get up and exercise. Lonely due to shyness? Go out to social events. Not making enough sales? Call that list of contacts you feel too nervous to call. Experienced an addiction relapse? [fill in the blank]

This is not to make light of any of these things. Some surely are easier than others. But the underlying theory is the same — hence the quote showing up in my life in two very different contexts.

Below is a link to an article that helped me frame my thinking about relapse. This article, and the site overall, is worth your time. Please take a look and tell me what you think! God bless!

Preventing Relapse | Addiction Management.

One Mom Talking 2011

Posted on January 2, 2011 | 7 comments

I’m making a new commitment to this blog for 2011. It’s not a resolution exactly. Let’s call it a “Plan of Good Intention.” Here ‘s what you can expect from One Mom Talking over the coming months:

Signs and Symptoms of heroin (and other drug) use by young people
A parent’s plan of action (what to do once you know)
Keeping siblings safe
Hope for healing: A Spiritual Perspective
Rehab options (private and public)
Addiction and the Department of Corrections
Speaking Engagements (I might develop a presentation to take to schools and parent groups)
Getting us together (reponses to my initial survey showed that parents of addicts yearn for a chance to meet each other in an organized setting)

This year, you will be able to easily share your favorite OMT posts on facebook, twitter or by email (buttons should be easily visible with each post). One Mom Talking will be on facebook soon as well. Reaching in and reaching out. God bless!

7 Comments

Posted in Addict Child, Addiction, Faith, Healing, Heroin, Parent of addict, Parenting, Siblings

Every Day = New Years Day

Posted on January 1, 2011 | 4 comments

Happy New Year, everyone. I sincerely hope that 2011 brings healing, spiritual renewal, and a deep sense of serenity into your lives and the lives of those you love.

As much as I want to detest 2010 (as if a time period has meaning and character all its own), today I gratefully report that 2010 ends (and 2011 begins) with both of my boys in recovery. I do feel deeply grateful. I’d like to say that I feel Joyful — but that would be dishonest.

My melancholy comes partly from needing more time to trust the recovery my sons have committed to, and partly from my own continued need to heal from the addiction that turned our family upside down … and moreso, my daughter’s need to heal, which she has yet to acknowledge. We have an appointment for a mental health evaluation on January 4. I am grateful for that. I’ve been out of work since July and we have no insurance. Luckily the county we are in has this program for high school students, and so we are getting hooked in.

All this to say that this year, I take “New Years Day” with a grain of salt. I’ve returned to Al Anon (which I didn’t do much of last year) and what I’m learning is that every day is New Years Day. Every day is an opportunity to accomplish whatever we can, to be the best we can be, to encourage those we love, to start over if we’ve erred, to find gratitude, to love ourselves, to pray for a new start.

During 2010, I spent a lot of time trying to decide who is sick and who is well and who is responsible for what … I’ve let that all go. On this fun date of 1/1/11, for today, I’m not playing the blame game. I’m not going to try to analyze my daughter. I’m not going to try to analyze myself. I’m going to tell all my children I love them, bake some corn bread, take down the Christmas decorations, and rest.

One of my Al Anon friends gave me this prayer: “God, bless [him, her, them] and change me.” I’m going to stop being like Calvin in this comic, and admit my need for change. This is my prayer today.

Every day is New Years Day. Thanks for being here, everyone. You true blessings in my life, whatever the date may be.

4 Comments

Posted in Addict Child, Addiction, Healing, Hope, Parent of addict, Recovering Child, Recovery, Siblings, The Ongoing Story

Rebirth

Posted on October 18, 2010 | 2 comments

This is a photo I took here in South Carolina. My new home. It is a symbol, though, of all rebirth for me and my family. Especially for Dan.

The bigget news: Dan gave his life to Christ after being ministered to in jail by a visiting Bible Study leader. Now, he is out on probation living with his dad. He’s been clean (except for one slip) since May. But clean now for 28 days outside of jail, by his own choice and because – he will tell you – of the power of God that lives in him. He reads the bible daily, goes to church, meets weekly with the pastor, and has met a group of students from a local college who meet for study and fellowship together. PRAISE GOD!!

I am not allowed to talk to Dan on the phone, or to visit him in person. The restraining order set in place back in May is still in effect. The judge won’t lift it until I am able to go to Colorado and meet with her in court. I don’t know when that will happen. But I am sure it will happen exactly when it’s supposed to. In the meantime, Dan and I write letters to each other. It’s a wonderful, underused way of communication. He can tell me about his life, uninterrupted, and I can do the same. We are getting to know each other in a way we might not have otherwise.

He says, “Mom, I am growing up now. And you have your own journey. Do what you need to do. I love you!” What more could a mother ask for?

2 Comments

Posted in Addict Child, Faith, God, Healing, Hope, Parent of addict, Recovering Child, Spiritual Growth, The Ongoing Story