Beauty in Wisdom

Posted on January 14, 2010 | 4 comments

I am happy today, after a long break from online writing, to post something that has nothing to do with heroin or addiction or any of that.  Today I was introduced to a blog, created by a new online friend.  The blog is titled “Beauty in Wisdom” and it is the result of a photographer’s journey into the beauty of aging.  Well thank goodness someone is doing this!  I have been so disappointed to see aging women trying to look like they are young girls.  It really hit me the last time I saw Marlo Thomas on the tv news.  Sure, I can understand a little “nip and tuck” but this is ridiculous. 

I’m concerned about the message our younger generations are receiving when so few women in the public eye are willing to grow old gracefully and allow the wisdom of their age to shine through their eyes…to allow the wisdom of their age and the incredible experiences of their lives give life to wrinkled skin so that it can be seen as BEAUTIFUL.  There is beauty in aging.  There is beauty in wisdom that only comes with age. 

Anyway — please check out http://beautyofwisdom-robbiekaye.blogspot.com/, and if you appreciate RobbieKaye’s wonderful work as much as I do, let her know it.  Let’s support each other wherever and whenever we can.  Thanks!

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Quiet Time and Gratitude

Posted on December 29, 2009 | 2 comments

Tonight I am having quiet time for the first time in a long time.  A long bubble bath.  Some quiet music.  No TV or stereo.  Played the piano.  Meditated on a reading in “A Course in Miracles.”  I am enjoying the silence.

I also spent some time on a website I want to recommend:  www.gratefulness.org.  It’s a nice, restful place to visit online. 

Here’s a quote I read tonight that made me smile:  “Creating is the opposite of loss.” (ACIM)  Perhaps that’s part of what we parents-of-addicts are doing here.   Taking creative action in opposition to our loss. 

I wish you all a wonderful evening.  I hope everyone out there can find something to be grateful for as this day draws to a close.

~One Mom Talking~

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Posted in Miscellaneous Chatter, Parent of addict

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Lessons for Parents of Addicts

Posted on December 27, 2009 | 9 comments

How many times will I need to learn these lessons?  Do we ever remember them, or do we continue to slip away, climb back up, slip away…. ?  I realize I’ve been at this a short time.  It’s only been eight months since I first learned that my son even tried heroin.  A shorter time since I first used the word “addict.”  I’m already tired.  How do you do this for years?

http://intervene.drugfree.org/2009/11/7-truths-about-my-addict-that-took-5-years-to-learn/

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One Mom, One Long Deep Sigh

Posted on December 27, 2009 | 7 comments

So here we are…December 26, 2009…one day past Christmas.  The best I can do right now is one long deep sigh. 

Christmas Eve was a good day until I started getting ready for church.  Was it that my daughter refused to go to church on Christmas Eve, for the first time ever, saying she thought it would just make her angry?  Was it that Dan, my oldest, in past years would have been the one to encourage the other two to join me whether they liked it or not, just because it would make me smile?  Was it that Al, the 17 year old, left a movie early to join me, not only to make me smile but because he is beginning to understanding something about God and Faith?

For all of these reasons, and because I realized I didn’t have a Christmas outfit this year, I started crying as I got ready for church.  And as I drove to church.  And when me friend, Beverley, gave me a hug and said “how are you?” once I arrived at church. 

Understand, I don’t have a problem crying in church; I’ve done it many times.  But on Christmas Eve I was singing, on stage, in front of everyone.  Not a good time for mascara down the cheeks. 

Honestly?  It was because Dan is in rehab and my deepest gut says that he’s still not quite ready to fight his addiction…a reaction that seems to be playing out as true.  He has continually been texting his brother to bring suboxone to the rehab center for him.  That would be illegal and against the center’s rules.

Tonight, I’m tired of being the mother of an addict.  Tonight, just for this night, I don’t want to be that anymore.  If you’re in my shoes, you know what I mean.  Tomorrow I’ll get up and continue to pray for my son.  But tonight … one long deep sigh.

7 Comments

Posted in Addict Child, addiction daughter, Heroin, Parent of addict, Suboxone, The Ongoing Story

Christmas and the coming New Year

Posted on December 19, 2009 | 8 comments

Wow, I didn’t realize how long I’ve been away.  Thanks to everyone who has visited here — for your support and for sharing your stories.  I’m glad we have an online community to reach out to in times of trial.

As Christmas approaches, with the onset of a New Year right behind, I thought I’d give an update and a word of hope.

Dan is in jail for the second time.  The court process has been encouraging though.  We got a good prosecutor who seems to understand Dan’s plight.  He has dropped all but one charge, and has recommended Dan for a diversion program.  So, if Dan is able to comply with court orders and direction for however long (a couple of years I suppose), he will emerge with a clean record. 

As for Dan’s point of view — he’s been in jail for a month.  While there, some people have told him some not-so-pretty stories about prison life.  He does not want to go to prison!  That threat, and the possibility of a clean record, have (I think) given him much more motivation to recover than he had before.  But what do we know about addicts?  They are very good liars.  so I’ll believe it when I see it.  Still, I’m allowing myself a glimmer of hope.

Heck, it’s Christmastime!  Dan gets out of jail on a new, lower bond on Tuesday — into residential rehab on Wednesday.  Friday is Christmas and we will be thankful that he has another chance to put his life on a new track.  I pray and pray and pray for him.  And whenever I drive past the jail, I stop and pray some more.  Sometimes it’s all a mother can do.  But the Bible tells us that God honors a mother’s prayers (or so I’m told…I don’t know where that is in the Bible. Hm. I’ll let you know).

I am ready for a new year.  I believe 2010 will be a year of healing — not just for my family, but for many, many families.  That’s what I’m looking for.  Healing stories of 2010.  🙂

God bless you all and have a wonderful, love-filled holiday season!

~onemomtalking

8 Comments

Posted in Addict Child, Addiction, Faith, Healing, Hope, Parent of addict, Recovery, The Ongoing Story

His Life

Posted on November 22, 2009 | 7 comments

Dan’s life is his life.  Dan — my addict son — was arrested early this morning.  My phone rang just after 2AM.  So back to jail he goes.  Now it’s almost 5AM and I’m still up and he hasn’t yet called from jail.  Perhaps he won’t.  Perhaps he is trying to let me rest.  Somehow, he still cares about me beneath the craziness.  I’m sad, but also numb, and also…hopeful.  Because God is greater than drug addiction.  Nothing else to say right now.

7 Comments

Posted in Addict Child, Addiction, Faith, Heroin, Parent of addict, The Ongoing Story

A Life with God

Posted on November 21, 2009 | 1 comment

Here it is … a life with God.  If days are dark and you are living in fear, take a moment to seek the “peace that passes all understanding.”  Yes, there are difficult times in life, but God will make the difficult worthwhile in one way or another.  I am finding my way back to my Path and all the things I’ve been through — even the most painful — will come together for good … as long as I keep my focus on my Creator and remember my identity in Christ! 

 

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Posted on November 20, 2009 | Leave a comment
Siddique Memon's

I Choose Happiness

Thanks to Siddique Memon for this image.  I took it from facebook.  I think it’s beautiful!

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Change Your Mind

Posted on November 20, 2009 | 1 comment

I have been feeding fear, but no more!  I am reclaiming my Spiritual Inheritance.  Please join me. 

In Christian-speak, living in fear is “sin” — meaning you cannot live in fear and experience your full connection to God at the same time.   A beautiful angel came to me yesterday (in the guise of an office worker) reminded me of this, and prayed for me under completely unexpected circumstances. 

So if you need to “change your mind” like I do, let’s get started!  And remember, the Fruit of the Spirit is: Love, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, and Self-Control.  For these, there is no law (since they themselves become the law).  Choose LOVE!

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Posted in Faith, Fear, Parent of addict, Spiritual Growth, The Ongoing Story

One Man’s Journey

Posted on November 19, 2009 | 2 comments

I realize that my son will emerge from this journey a man … or an angel.  He did not stay in detox, but fled before they finished processing him.  I am now taking Alanon advice and detaching with love.  I will shower, dress, and go to work.  I cannot walk his walk anymore.  His journey is his own. 

One Mom Talks.
One Man Walks.
Only God can knows the story from here.

2 Comments

Posted in Parent of addict, The Ongoing Story